No, not that "F" word.
I'm talking about feminism.
Yeah, you heard me.
That word, and more so the ideas behind it, have gotten a bad rap. Regardless who is to blame, from men to women themselves to the media, it's reality.
While in the Western world we exist in a far more equitable space than most, it is by no means equal.
Don't roll your eyes. Numbers prove it.
In provincial legislatures and our federal House of Commons, representation of female politicians has stalled at around 21 per cent. That number hasn't budged since the late 1980s.
As much as we would like to deny it, government policy and decisions govern the way in which we live our lives. They set the rules. Who are 'they'? As I stated above, 'they' are vastly male.
Now, I'm not male-bashing here. Don't get me wrong, I love men. They're fantastic. In oh-so many ways.
But in allowing them, almost solely, to determine public policy we are silencing nearly half of our dynamic population.
I had lunch with two such dynamic women today. Neither of which aspire to be politicians whatsoever, but they are strong, funny, successful women.
We got to talking about careers, relationships and ultimately men and women, as per usual.
Specifically, these women both expressed how they've struggled with finding men who are comfortable enough with themselves to be with a woman who has opinions, money and the drive to take care of herself.
One of these women is married, the other in a new relationship but both have had their trials and tribulations in the dating world. We'd had similar conversations this past summer and fall, but maybe my Women, Gender and Politics class has really been sinking in.
I can't seem to stagger over the fact that in nearly 2010, a large number of men still are uncomfortable with this type of self-sufficient woman.
It's not entirely their fault, though.
Our society, with practices like privileging men in 'top jobs' such as cabinet positions and CEO executives, perpetuates the idea that women in power is a strange, rare phenomenon. Unnatural and unlikely. So when it happens, my dear media has a 'fetish for firsts' as it's named by feminist scholars and reports on things like first female prime ministers, as a novelty.
So it's really no wonder when organized, hilarious, determined and driven women, like my two lunch dates, have a hard time being accepted as equals in both their public and private lives.
But guess what? What makes them so fantastic is that they are who they are. Unapologetically.
The world - men, women and anyone else - is just going to have to deal with it.
"I'm strong and I'm comfortable with being strong and I like that I'm strong. And if that is too much woman for you, if that makes your junk feel tiny, I'm not going to make myself smaller. I'm not going to put myself in a box, so that you feel like a big man. I am a big woman and you either get used to it - or you get out." - Charlotte King, Private Practice
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Women, more generally, tend to miss they perpetuate their own demise, with catty behavior and jealously toward “their kind” which is very frustrating. I find feminists (the radical and utopist ones) categorize what the so-called modern woman ought to be doing to crack the glass ceiling and undermine pink collar ghettos. Feminism – in my view – created choice so why do women continue to judge one another based on the choices that are being made by women? Women need to embrace and enable opportunities for each other and not slip into the over emotional and catty behavior that tends to plague women. Maybe men are further ahead because they can move on from tough situations whereas women hold onto tough situations for very long periods of time and they use that anxiety or hurt against the woman/man that “wronged” them. Yes, sexism exists; yes men control almost everything in the world, yes women can’t take on successful male ingredients and be perceived the same way but guess what, women are not helping enough to change the situation. Stop pointing fingers!
ReplyDeleteThat is my rant, Kristy.
Oh, I'm with you.
ReplyDeleteI didn't quite articulate it in enough detail, but it smacked me in the face after I posted this blog.
Women aren't helping change the situation in all of the ways you listed, in addition to generally not being aware that there even EXISTS a substantial inequality. So many feel because we are privileged to live in the Western world where we are far more equal than other places, it's not a worthy fight or even discussion.
I can say first off I have considered myself a feminist for over a decade, but what that means to me has changed immensely over that time. And I only speak for myself.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I don't think it's about a fight at this point. Feminism has reached all the success it can through that route. The problems which prevent any further equality are deeply seeded in our culture, hidden and subverted, and therefore harder to tackle then the battles fought thirty years ago. Especially because many women could care less, just like with most issues, where most people could care less.
Not all women care about equal representation, or equal pay or what qualities they are being evaluated on. Because it's difficult to care about those things when you are worried about the size of your ass, if people like you, and what your boyfriend is thinking (just ask!) and all the other things society makes money off of teaching women to care about from very young age.
If it's a fight, it's one of words. Draw attention to the bullshit (as you are with this post) when the opportunity comes, but don't blame anybody, because anybody who feels up against the wall won't listen to a message, even a hopeful one.
As an aside, for for the men who are intimidated by a smart women-- smart women need to stop being attracted to douchebags. Many men would respect a smart women, if he would give her the time of day. But maybe he doesn't have all the male qualities we've been told to value, so he's passed over in favour of an adorable douchbag.
I see the job of the modern feminist as not to fight the injustices of society head on, but to be aware of them, and to fight them in your own lives. This is difficult though.
Take the wage gap. In an ideal world management would recognize that women have trouble asking for wage increases, for whatever reason, and they would take that into account when a someone comes asking for one. They'd react to some requests by saying "this is very direct, and kinda rude, considering the women who has worked two years longer than you who hasn't had a raise."
But a manager most likely respects the direct approach, looks down on the passive party, and gives the increase to the one who demands it. Because they are expressing they are worth something, when a women might want to be recognized for the years of hard work she has done, without complaint.
The problem with her changing her behaviour, demanding the raise she deserve, is although narrowing the wage gap in this manner would look like equality, it isn't. Because the feminine is imitating the masculine, which isn't feminism, it's dressing up in Daddy's work clothes.
So I think we just need to be aware. We should probably ask for the raise, but when we get the promotion to go along with it, don't turn into the man that hired you.
Recognize the different levels at work in everything, the cognitive and the emotional.
Value feminine qualities--whether they come from a man, or a women, as equal to male qualities.
Take up space.
Go to work without make-up.
And do it as you say your two lunch dates have, unapologetically.